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Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
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Gamer WitchHunt 2.0 #GamerGate



#GamerGate

"It's not the movies, but VIDEA GAYMES!"

Get those stupid fucking 90's nostalgia goggles back on kids... for it's Gamer Witchhunt 2.0!  

Really getting tired of this shit.

Major news, get back to your missing planes and the 4 year coverage of the upcoming 2016 Elections.

Bloggers.. I'm sorry, "journalists"..get back to college and finish those damn Liberal Arts Degrees... 8 semesters in, you'd think you'd finish.
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The Extremism of "I'm Offended" - A Message About The Terrible Loss At Charlie Hebdo



As a site, blog, person who uses satire to laugh at the stupidities of life and those who make it so easy to knock down off of their self made pedestals... I couldn't go today without adding my name to the list of bloggers, journalists and satirical writers who were shocked and horrified by the terrorist attack on a place that not only shares my first name, but shares my mindset on the various extremists around us.

The internet has accomplished two major achievements over the past decade... 1) It has saved comedy; humor through memes, social media and forum commenting has not only broaden what it means to be funny, but it has given everyone a chance to joke and even improve on their comedic wit via comment voting systems. 2) It has given many people access to freedom of speech and expression.. particularly in countries that have never had it and whom to this day try to silence them.

The backward & barbaric religious rhetoric has been around for a long time...some are trying to use the "I'm offended" card to justify their shaming of those who wish to express their freedom of speech.  As we saw today, it was done in a violent and abhorrent way. Be it from the modern death throes of the out of date, useless extreme religious right...or the misguided authoritarianism behind the Cultural Marxism / Moralism 2.0  "social justice warriors" of the extreme left... trying to silence Free Speech via shaming, rhetoric, or worse, the barbaric violence seen today by the cowards who attacked the Charlie Hebdo paper... you have no place in this modern world driven by the internet.

Me and others can care less if you are "offended" "triggered" or what ever stupid crap you might spew about satire, comedy or artistic expression.  Offended by a cartoon strip, a video game or other piece of fiction or comedy...tough luck.  When cowardly attacks like this happen, it only strengthens the resolve of those like me who express and fight for freedom of speech.

"Offended?" "Triggered"...tough shit.  RIP those at Charlie Hebdo who lost their lives because some people were "offended"  Be it if you are a "social justice warrior" from the left or a "warrior of god" on the right...you are an extremist and these actions are not to be tolerated and may those who wish to keep comedy, satire and freedom of speech keep up the real fight and stay strong during these tragic moments.  Life is too short to take it too seriously... laugh at it, make fun of it.
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Facebook Buys Oculus Rift



Oculus Rift has been sold to Facebook for $2 Billion.  This is great for the console in general in terms of it's potential distribution and recognition beyond us game devs and hardcore gamers... but this is where the outcry is also coming from.  Even Minecraft's creator, Notch stated that the news is "scary" enough to make him think about dropping the Oculus Rift version of his game.




What's scary, is indeed what a Facebook owned videogame system could entail... subpar microtransaction-driven social games or social apps like, oh god... seeing your friend's facebook feed in full virtual reality.  As a 30 year old, this means nothing but a panoramic hell of baby pictures, sonograms and cryptic one line messages where you aren't sure if somebody's going to have their 4th baby, leave their now second baby daddy/momma or a combo of both.

Let's hope Facebook doesn't put their "marketing knowhow" into this very promising and possibly industry-changing console and leave it to the very talented dev teams involved with it already.  With Oculus, "What's App?" and a few years back, Instagram... Facebook has been buying out what could have replaced them later on and taking in their user base.  For those like me who've been around since AOL Pages and Xanga, Facebook represents the current title of "social hotspot" that was once owned by Yahoo, then AOL, and later MySpace.  As videogame consoles/games continue to be social  hotspots themselves, Facebook is strategically throwing their money into the area of VR gaming.  Either way, very soon, many people will know what the Oculus Rift is... just hope Farmville VR and Wink To FB Like My Baby Pics aren't the only choices we get.

(image by me with The Tester's Matt Smith wearing the Oculus)

#oculus #facebook
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Will the Real New York Sports Clowns Please Stand Up


Let's be honest with ourselves about the New York Jets... yes, they suck this year, yes, they are clowns...but my goodness... nothing defines "outdated asshats" as good as the news media in NewYork.
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On 12/12/12 North Korea Fired a Missile...



So apparently North Korea fired a missile yesterday (12/11/2012.. 12/12/2012 in NK).  This footage from the launch shows a now record height for the self proclaimed "best Korea."

In response to this news, America's bravest super-special-awesome military will funnel all tax payer dollars into this semi-secret space jet to further watch for any progress in NK's missile capabilities.  Medicare and Hostess pension funds are now also being funneled to Utah to speed up construction of the $2 Billion+ Spy on Everything Building.  Originally build to count how may low-IQ Americans post, text and say "YOLO" while actually being serious in the statement... the Spy on Everything Building will be used to track all you do, from GPS-tracked bowl movements, your phone calls, Angry Birds game sessions and even the now outdated medium of faxes.

and remember,
"If you see something, say something...so that we can detain people without due cause."
-US ARMY ("Be All That You Can Be...well as long as your Superior officer says it's ok to be") 
 
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Apple Lawyers Sue Sony Pictures and Ashton Kutcher for Round Corners in Steve Jobs Image


In a predictable turn of events, Apple lawyers noticed a few round corners in the recently leaked image of Aston Kutcher portraying Steve Jobs in the upcoming movie, "jOBS" and is now suing Kutcher, Nikon and Sony Studios for about $2 million for every round corner found in the image (roughly 200) on the grounds of copyright and patent violation. The movie's director, Joshua Michael Stern and the author of the Steve Jobs documentary of which this is based off of, Walter Isaacson, both replied to the lawsuit, "You are paying us to make this movie, you stupid fucks!"

No formal rebuttle to this statement yet from Apple's legal team but already Google is jumping the gun on the threat of DMCA notices by removing all Youtube videos with the words, "Jobs", "apple" and "phone"...adding the list of keywords banned by Viacom & Fox last week including "Family", "Guy", "video",  and the letter "H"

In a legal show of one inch dicks, Sony's legal team has already counter-sued on the grounds that Apple's legal team's lawsuit fax and "Cease and Desist" snail mail letter lacks the three bullet points and 500x base value minimum pricing they have in their digital camera branch's SURE Pricing policy and thus are not allowed to show any kind of lawsuit on any website for at least 3 months.

This then prompted Nikon to sue Sony as this policy closely mimics their MVP pricing program for their lacking digital camera business.  Nikon's legal team then offered the Nikon at Jones Beach stadium, Ashton Kutcher himself and all of Long Island in a bet that Sony is wrong on all accounts.  "Those are sad excuses for collateral." states Sony's legal team, "Who the fuck names their concert stadium, 'The Nikon at Jones Beach'?" "Besides, that whole area became even more useless and overpriced after Hurricane Sandy and this will probably be the last production Kutcher will make any cultural sense in."

Since most judges in the New York/Tri-state area have become weary of the numerous frivolous copyright & patent laws... and in general, completely dumbfounded as to what the hell a computer or the internet is... most of the higher courts are creating a mandate to just send all patent and copyright lawyers into internment camps as to also celebrate this week's anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

"71 years ago, the United States made a terrible mistake by taking US citizens out of their homes and into death camps through simple, idiotic fear and savage prejudice.  71 years later, we have learned the lesson of our ways.  We have solved our problem on how we can still keep uneducated police officers working and help the American people, no, the citizens of this world.  We will do what is right and send every technology, patent and copyright lawyer into an internment camp."  - unHonorable Judge Dinkle Bloombergerburgstein
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Scumbag Suburban Moms and Energy Drinks


Gotta laugh at all the suburban moms today on Long Island after the local news is complaining about energy drinks and their caffeine.  I agree, the caffeine is too damn high but those in glass houses should not throw rocks.
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UC Davis Lt. John Pike on His Day Off On Leave


"I'm certain he was just trying to add pepper to the lemonade flavoring." -- F**Ks News
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How NY Pets Are Handling Hurricane Irene


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How NYers Are Handling Hurricane Irene


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Long Island Prepares for Hurricane Irene, Bragging Rights in Jeopardy


Long Islanders are preparing for Hurricane Irene. As locals prepare for the storm named after a one legged Asian child, a greater, more long term issue has arisen; the bragging rights of the people who actually stay on Long Island longer than the summer.

It's a quiet day on the streets of Suffolk County.  Some people are still scared to come out of their homes after the Great Quake of 8/23/11 did as much as knock over 3 lawn chairs at these coveted, but rather tiny, I'm sorry, "quaint" properties.  Others have stepped out though, out of pure will power. The need to pick up their "supermarket slip" disability checks early, allowed them to quell the fears of seeing their slightly altered lawns.  One would think, that at 11:00am on a weekday, this normal local ritual would keep the streets busy, like any other morning here during the rest of the country's office hours.  The lack of Walmart-savvy patrons on the streets is now said to be attributed to the quick exodus of the super rich and rarely-local celebrities.

As is tradition here on Long Island, the super rich and celebrities make two week trips from their main homes in California or on tropical islands... to the Hamptons.  In light of the impeding hurricane, those trips have been cut short to just a week and a half.  Shrines and mass prayer groups have gathered outside of a few homes here in South Hampton.  You can see those without jobs or purposes standing in awe in front of the large, guarded gates of known celebrities, homes that are now vacant early.  People who managed to get here in the morning are gaining some attention since they apparently seen the G6 private jets leave hours ago.

The consensus here is of worry and confusion.  "How could they leave so early?" shouted somebody here.  "I was going to actually stand 100 feet next to P-Diddy this weekend at the club." cried another.  The local government has their own reasons to worry about this sudden exiting of celebrities.  Supposedly much of the economy here comes from these brief visits by celebrities and they feel that this year's shrines and prayers might not bring them back again after the hurricane will devalue these once magnificent extra homes of the rich and famous.

We interviewed Karen Steinberg, a local realtor for her thoughts on this:

"I'm currently selling a few homes in western, central Suffolk.  As you know, our main selling point for the $300,000 garages out there is written all over our ads."  She takes out her iPad, which she couldn't stop talking about for 30 minutes before the interview, and proceeded to read allowed, and maybe a little too loud, the verbaige on her Realty webpage "'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'".

"How am I to sell a home worth only $80,000 for $300,000 when there are no celebrities here to justify it?" she then continued.  "I might have to do the unthinkable, sell them for $250,000."

Our news crew then picked out Tony Vincent Lombardi, representing the local PBA union and their 100 members who came out here to one of the homes of Paris Hilton.

"I'm 35 and been off the force since I was 25.  My pension helps me hire Mexicans to do my lawn during the week while I watch reruns of the Sopranos and go on dates with my mother during my wife's teaching hours.  My bros on the force, as well as my wife's union need these celebrities.  Without them, how can we justify our $80,000 pensions and tenure every year.  Our motto every year is the tried true statement of Long Island, 'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'  I fear property taxes might stop going up or even worse, go down in price.  I'll then be forced to actually mow my own lawn."


...
Nerves are tense here as Hurricane Irene inches closer.  Will the celebrities return in light of this?  Will the cost of living have to go down as a result of this work of nature?  Like those standing in these crowds here, all we can is just make shrines out of celebrity-signed memorabilia and pray they return, to keep the way of life here the same, year after year.
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