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Showing posts with label technology. Show all posts
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Facebook Buys Oculus Rift



Oculus Rift has been sold to Facebook for $2 Billion.  This is great for the console in general in terms of it's potential distribution and recognition beyond us game devs and hardcore gamers... but this is where the outcry is also coming from.  Even Minecraft's creator, Notch stated that the news is "scary" enough to make him think about dropping the Oculus Rift version of his game.




What's scary, is indeed what a Facebook owned videogame system could entail... subpar microtransaction-driven social games or social apps like, oh god... seeing your friend's facebook feed in full virtual reality.  As a 30 year old, this means nothing but a panoramic hell of baby pictures, sonograms and cryptic one line messages where you aren't sure if somebody's going to have their 4th baby, leave their now second baby daddy/momma or a combo of both.

Let's hope Facebook doesn't put their "marketing knowhow" into this very promising and possibly industry-changing console and leave it to the very talented dev teams involved with it already.  With Oculus, "What's App?" and a few years back, Instagram... Facebook has been buying out what could have replaced them later on and taking in their user base.  For those like me who've been around since AOL Pages and Xanga, Facebook represents the current title of "social hotspot" that was once owned by Yahoo, then AOL, and later MySpace.  As videogame consoles/games continue to be social  hotspots themselves, Facebook is strategically throwing their money into the area of VR gaming.  Either way, very soon, many people will know what the Oculus Rift is... just hope Farmville VR and Wink To FB Like My Baby Pics aren't the only choices we get.

(image by me with The Tester's Matt Smith wearing the Oculus)

#oculus #facebook
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CES 2014: Nikon, Canon and Sony Show Off Device That Makes People Forget Smart Phones Exist



The 3 largest pro camera manufacturers surprised guests at this year's Computer Electronics Show with a new joint project.

Announced towards the end of Sony's presentation of their new 4K Twitter Table, the crowd was welcomed with music from Ace Of Base as executives from each company roller-bladed on to the stage.
Dressed in hipster attire, Sony's Kazuo Hirai took center stage Walkman in hand.  
"We were in charge of mobile technology before it was cool." claimed Hirai as he opened the Walkman to reveal what looked like a silver cassette tape.

The device, code named RET90, or "REmember The 90's" supposedly makes consumers revert to their shopping mindset to what it used to be in the 1990's.  Using the same signal once used by analog TV, the RET90 uses the waves from years past to make people still feel that technology is nowhere beyond 1995.  A signal that has been up for sale since all TVs went to digital and apparently bought jointly by the three companies.   

Within moments of the RET90's demonstration, attendees of CES suddenly wanted to actually visit brick and mortar stores for their technology needs, wondered to other booths for VHS tape recorders and thought their smarts phones where just pretty alarm clocks.

Best Buy called it "The Highlight of 2014".  "With this device, consumers will actually visit our stores and completely forget what a Bar Code Scanner App is." boosted Best Buy's founder, Richard Schulze.

Immediately after the product's demonstration... Canon, Nikon and Sony directed attendees to their Point and Shoot Camera booths.  Instead of saying "I have a smart phone, why would I need these?", attendees looked onto the marginally better P&S Cameras from last year in total wonder.  

"With the RET90, we don't have to focus our R&D on costly new projects.  We can make use of resources we've had available for years and the consumer won't know the difference." stated Nikon's Makoto Kimura. 

For the past few years, all three companies created their Mirrorless Cameras lines to try to make consumers forget about the ever improving cameras on their smart phones.  Sales of Point And Shoot Cameras dropped sharply since the iPhone 4's release but the Mirrorless line for both Canon & Nikon turned out as complete failures to sway the public. Sony, only gained marginally on their Mirrorless line and with the RET90, consumers will do what many executives of the tech giants would like...to ignore the internet and revert back to the 1990's when it comes to hand held devices.

"The 90's and earlier were our Golden Age.  A person can come into our stores, pay 10% ABOVE SRP and be none the wiser." says NY Pro Camera Store owner, Shlomo Bergstein.  "Now they come in with their smart phones, amazon listing print outs and we are forced to come clean about the pricing.  With RET90,  we can sell them at prices we want and something the consumer already has."

Adobe's CEO, Shantanu Narayen randomly stepped in during our interview and stated with his strong accent..."With RET90, I can continue to sell software for 3x the price in Australia as I do in the States.  By the way, have you heard of the Creative Cloud?"  He soon jumped over to each CES attendee at arms length asking, "Do you know about the Creative Cloud?" before security escorted him out. 

Sony, Nikon and Canon are hoping this device will revive the currently dead point and shoot camera business as well as other products consumer have lost interest in since the 1990s.

...
Due to Sony, Nikon and Canon's various, long and undecipherable SURE, MVP and MAP policies however...we weren't allowed to list the images and expected pricing of the RET90 in fear of deportation, execution...or just a "warning". 

#CES2014
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Apple Lawyers Sue Sony Pictures and Ashton Kutcher for Round Corners in Steve Jobs Image


In a predictable turn of events, Apple lawyers noticed a few round corners in the recently leaked image of Aston Kutcher portraying Steve Jobs in the upcoming movie, "jOBS" and is now suing Kutcher, Nikon and Sony Studios for about $2 million for every round corner found in the image (roughly 200) on the grounds of copyright and patent violation. The movie's director, Joshua Michael Stern and the author of the Steve Jobs documentary of which this is based off of, Walter Isaacson, both replied to the lawsuit, "You are paying us to make this movie, you stupid fucks!"

No formal rebuttle to this statement yet from Apple's legal team but already Google is jumping the gun on the threat of DMCA notices by removing all Youtube videos with the words, "Jobs", "apple" and "phone"...adding the list of keywords banned by Viacom & Fox last week including "Family", "Guy", "video",  and the letter "H"

In a legal show of one inch dicks, Sony's legal team has already counter-sued on the grounds that Apple's legal team's lawsuit fax and "Cease and Desist" snail mail letter lacks the three bullet points and 500x base value minimum pricing they have in their digital camera branch's SURE Pricing policy and thus are not allowed to show any kind of lawsuit on any website for at least 3 months.

This then prompted Nikon to sue Sony as this policy closely mimics their MVP pricing program for their lacking digital camera business.  Nikon's legal team then offered the Nikon at Jones Beach stadium, Ashton Kutcher himself and all of Long Island in a bet that Sony is wrong on all accounts.  "Those are sad excuses for collateral." states Sony's legal team, "Who the fuck names their concert stadium, 'The Nikon at Jones Beach'?" "Besides, that whole area became even more useless and overpriced after Hurricane Sandy and this will probably be the last production Kutcher will make any cultural sense in."

Since most judges in the New York/Tri-state area have become weary of the numerous frivolous copyright & patent laws... and in general, completely dumbfounded as to what the hell a computer or the internet is... most of the higher courts are creating a mandate to just send all patent and copyright lawyers into internment camps as to also celebrate this week's anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

"71 years ago, the United States made a terrible mistake by taking US citizens out of their homes and into death camps through simple, idiotic fear and savage prejudice.  71 years later, we have learned the lesson of our ways.  We have solved our problem on how we can still keep uneducated police officers working and help the American people, no, the citizens of this world.  We will do what is right and send every technology, patent and copyright lawyer into an internment camp."  - unHonorable Judge Dinkle Bloombergerburgstein
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