In a predictable turn of events, Apple lawyers noticed a few round corners in the recently leaked image of Aston Kutcher portraying Steve Jobs in the upcoming movie, "jOBS" and is now suing Kutcher, Nikon and Sony Studios for about $2 million for every round corner found in the image (roughly 200) on the grounds of copyright and patent violation. The movie's director, Joshua Michael Stern and the author of the Steve Jobs documentary of which this is based off of, Walter Isaacson, both replied to the lawsuit, "You are paying us to make this movie, you stupid fucks!"
No formal rebuttle to this statement yet from Apple's legal team but already Google is jumping the gun on the threat of DMCA notices by removing all Youtube videos with the words, "Jobs", "apple" and "phone"...adding the list of keywords banned by Viacom & Fox last week including "Family", "Guy", "video", and the letter "H"
In a legal show of one inch dicks, Sony's legal team has already counter-sued on the grounds that Apple's legal team's lawsuit fax and "Cease and Desist" snail mail letter lacks the three bullet points and 500x base value minimum pricing they have in their digital camera branch's SURE Pricing policy and thus are not allowed to show any kind of lawsuit on any website for at least 3 months.
This then prompted Nikon to sue Sony as this policy closely mimics their MVP pricing program for their lacking digital camera business. Nikon's legal team then offered the Nikon at Jones Beach stadium, Ashton Kutcher himself and all of Long Island in a bet that Sony is wrong on all accounts. "Those are sad excuses for collateral." states Sony's legal team, "Who the fuck names their concert stadium, 'The Nikon at Jones Beach'?" "Besides, that whole area became even more useless and overpriced after Hurricane Sandy and this will probably be the last production Kutcher will make any cultural sense in."
Since most judges in the New York/Tri-state area have become weary of the numerous frivolous copyright & patent laws... and in general, completely dumbfounded as to what the hell a computer or the internet is... most of the higher courts are creating a mandate to just send all patent and copyright lawyers into internment camps as to also celebrate this week's anniversary of Pearl Harbor.
"71 years ago, the United States made a terrible mistake by taking US citizens out of their homes and into death camps through simple, idiotic fear and savage prejudice. 71 years later, we have learned the lesson of our ways. We have solved our problem on how we can still keep uneducated police officers working and help the American people, no, the citizens of this world. We will do what is right and send every technology, patent and copyright lawyer into an internment camp." - unHonorable Judge Dinkle Bloombergerburgstein
