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Showing posts with label semi-fake news. Show all posts
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Anita Visits Comiket 87 To Fight Japan's Patriarchal Culture


"Excuse me...deeply oppressed miss, do you have a moment to discuss our lord and savior, Josh McIntosh?"

Making use of her 5th Patreon-funded vacation to Japan this year and to keep up with the tax code of making it a business trip, Anita made sure to visit Comiket 87 to try to convince the sexy cosplayers that their willingness to dress sexy in front of The Patriarchy is due to their internal misogyny.
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Polygon Office Redesign For 2015


Polygon and it's parent company, Gawker, are taking extra efforts to help new female game developers get a start in the industry.  Check out the new office they will use to qualify who they'll promote and write rave reviews for...

...oh, oh dear
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Nintendo Finally Creates The Samus Suit Tumblr SJWs Can Approve


Today Nintendo gave into demands by self proclaimed gamers, Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn by creating a new alt Samus Suit in the upcoming Smash Bros U game.  This, after the previous little number seen below "triggered" SJWs across suburban cul-de-sacs to rage tweet... "OMG #IDontEven!"



The newly redesigned outfit has been herald by SJW sites across the web as a "step forward for female rights and sexuality...

Polygon reviewers rated it "a 9 out of 11!"

Tumblr raves...

"It's only way to keep those damn cis shitlords from raping Samus with their eyes."

SRS claims...

"If we can only now make it legal to kill neckbeards who say the R-word, the world will be a better place for us BRDs and dragonkin."

Nintendo failed to comment much more about the change in design other than stating,

"Sorry, we would say more, but we fear any additional word we say will 'trigger' those who were offended by Samus' previous outfit"

Turns out shortly after their comment though, a new Twitter and Tumblr campaign titled "#CISNES" gained steam since apparently Nintendo saying the word "additional" "triggered"  and "deeply offended" SJW across middle class America.

Currently, a new kickstarter by Anita Sarkeesian has begun to fight what they claim is "Nintendo not checking their privileges"
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Georgia Man Arrested For Making Doomsday Device


Georgia Man Arrested For Making What the Locals Call a "Doomsday Device"

#prayforAtlanta
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On 12/12/12 North Korea Fired a Missile...



So apparently North Korea fired a missile yesterday (12/11/2012.. 12/12/2012 in NK).  This footage from the launch shows a now record height for the self proclaimed "best Korea."

In response to this news, America's bravest super-special-awesome military will funnel all tax payer dollars into this semi-secret space jet to further watch for any progress in NK's missile capabilities.  Medicare and Hostess pension funds are now also being funneled to Utah to speed up construction of the $2 Billion+ Spy on Everything Building.  Originally build to count how may low-IQ Americans post, text and say "YOLO" while actually being serious in the statement... the Spy on Everything Building will be used to track all you do, from GPS-tracked bowl movements, your phone calls, Angry Birds game sessions and even the now outdated medium of faxes.

and remember,
"If you see something, say something...so that we can detain people without due cause."
-US ARMY ("Be All That You Can Be...well as long as your Superior officer says it's ok to be") 
 
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Long Island Prepares for Hurricane Irene, Bragging Rights in Jeopardy


Long Islanders are preparing for Hurricane Irene. As locals prepare for the storm named after a one legged Asian child, a greater, more long term issue has arisen; the bragging rights of the people who actually stay on Long Island longer than the summer.

It's a quiet day on the streets of Suffolk County.  Some people are still scared to come out of their homes after the Great Quake of 8/23/11 did as much as knock over 3 lawn chairs at these coveted, but rather tiny, I'm sorry, "quaint" properties.  Others have stepped out though, out of pure will power. The need to pick up their "supermarket slip" disability checks early, allowed them to quell the fears of seeing their slightly altered lawns.  One would think, that at 11:00am on a weekday, this normal local ritual would keep the streets busy, like any other morning here during the rest of the country's office hours.  The lack of Walmart-savvy patrons on the streets is now said to be attributed to the quick exodus of the super rich and rarely-local celebrities.

As is tradition here on Long Island, the super rich and celebrities make two week trips from their main homes in California or on tropical islands... to the Hamptons.  In light of the impeding hurricane, those trips have been cut short to just a week and a half.  Shrines and mass prayer groups have gathered outside of a few homes here in South Hampton.  You can see those without jobs or purposes standing in awe in front of the large, guarded gates of known celebrities, homes that are now vacant early.  People who managed to get here in the morning are gaining some attention since they apparently seen the G6 private jets leave hours ago.

The consensus here is of worry and confusion.  "How could they leave so early?" shouted somebody here.  "I was going to actually stand 100 feet next to P-Diddy this weekend at the club." cried another.  The local government has their own reasons to worry about this sudden exiting of celebrities.  Supposedly much of the economy here comes from these brief visits by celebrities and they feel that this year's shrines and prayers might not bring them back again after the hurricane will devalue these once magnificent extra homes of the rich and famous.

We interviewed Karen Steinberg, a local realtor for her thoughts on this:

"I'm currently selling a few homes in western, central Suffolk.  As you know, our main selling point for the $300,000 garages out there is written all over our ads."  She takes out her iPad, which she couldn't stop talking about for 30 minutes before the interview, and proceeded to read allowed, and maybe a little too loud, the verbaige on her Realty webpage "'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'".

"How am I to sell a home worth only $80,000 for $300,000 when there are no celebrities here to justify it?" she then continued.  "I might have to do the unthinkable, sell them for $250,000."

Our news crew then picked out Tony Vincent Lombardi, representing the local PBA union and their 100 members who came out here to one of the homes of Paris Hilton.

"I'm 35 and been off the force since I was 25.  My pension helps me hire Mexicans to do my lawn during the week while I watch reruns of the Sopranos and go on dates with my mother during my wife's teaching hours.  My bros on the force, as well as my wife's union need these celebrities.  Without them, how can we justify our $80,000 pensions and tenure every year.  Our motto every year is the tried true statement of Long Island, 'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'  I fear property taxes might stop going up or even worse, go down in price.  I'll then be forced to actually mow my own lawn."


...
Nerves are tense here as Hurricane Irene inches closer.  Will the celebrities return in light of this?  Will the cost of living have to go down as a result of this work of nature?  Like those standing in these crowds here, all we can is just make shrines out of celebrity-signed memorabilia and pray they return, to keep the way of life here the same, year after year.
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