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Showing posts with label long island. Show all posts
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Official Selden, Long Island Action Figure [New In The Box]


I swear Amazon sells everything... even my home town's official action figure.

Basic Figure Includes:

  • 3 live cats
  • 3 dead cats
  • 3 stuffed cats
  • 2 pieces of Raymour & Flanigan expensive piss-stained furniture

Deluxe "Long Island OCD Edition" Includes:

  • 4 live cats
  • 5 dead cats
  • 5 stuffed cats
  • 2 pieces of Raymour & Flanigan expensive piss-stained model furniture
  • 2 Bob's Furniture Store model beds with blood stains, used Walmart McDonald hamburger wrappers, toy pile of clothes & a toy model of the Montauk lighthouse..all piled haphazerdly on the bed.
  • "Disability" paperwork
  • Pull string so she speaks 5 Long Island catch phrases...
  1. "I love the hamptons!! Do you love the hamptons!?!"
  2. "Long Island beaches are best beaches...lalalalala I can't hear you!!"
  3. "Of course it's expensive to live here!  I want to tell people I'm from New York! You should be honored to live here!"
  4. (loud inaudible screaming and rambling)
  5.  "I'm NOT STRESSED!!"
  • Deluxe set also includes her estranged son Daniel, complete with ritalin and gluten free pizza.
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How to Make Over $70,000 On Long Island


The Suffolk Police and DHS are excitedly waiting to use the robotic drones to do even more of their job for them.
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Smith Haven Mall 1990 / 2012



Saw this very popular post on reddit showing images of the Smith Haven Mall during 1990.  Being that I've been going to Smith Haven Mall since I was a toddler in the 80's…I knew right off the bat where these images were taken.  I then decided to match up images from the past to day.
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Irene Damage to Backyard



Well, not really much in terms of damage, thankfully.  Hurricain Irene really only blew around lots of branches.  It did bend a big tree in the front yard, cut the power (still down after two days), and cut a big branch (seen here).  Others in the area got worse though.  It was a bad storm but not as bad as Gloria (here on Long Island at least)
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Long Island Prepares for Hurricane Irene, Bragging Rights in Jeopardy


Long Islanders are preparing for Hurricane Irene. As locals prepare for the storm named after a one legged Asian child, a greater, more long term issue has arisen; the bragging rights of the people who actually stay on Long Island longer than the summer.

It's a quiet day on the streets of Suffolk County.  Some people are still scared to come out of their homes after the Great Quake of 8/23/11 did as much as knock over 3 lawn chairs at these coveted, but rather tiny, I'm sorry, "quaint" properties.  Others have stepped out though, out of pure will power. The need to pick up their "supermarket slip" disability checks early, allowed them to quell the fears of seeing their slightly altered lawns.  One would think, that at 11:00am on a weekday, this normal local ritual would keep the streets busy, like any other morning here during the rest of the country's office hours.  The lack of Walmart-savvy patrons on the streets is now said to be attributed to the quick exodus of the super rich and rarely-local celebrities.

As is tradition here on Long Island, the super rich and celebrities make two week trips from their main homes in California or on tropical islands... to the Hamptons.  In light of the impeding hurricane, those trips have been cut short to just a week and a half.  Shrines and mass prayer groups have gathered outside of a few homes here in South Hampton.  You can see those without jobs or purposes standing in awe in front of the large, guarded gates of known celebrities, homes that are now vacant early.  People who managed to get here in the morning are gaining some attention since they apparently seen the G6 private jets leave hours ago.

The consensus here is of worry and confusion.  "How could they leave so early?" shouted somebody here.  "I was going to actually stand 100 feet next to P-Diddy this weekend at the club." cried another.  The local government has their own reasons to worry about this sudden exiting of celebrities.  Supposedly much of the economy here comes from these brief visits by celebrities and they feel that this year's shrines and prayers might not bring them back again after the hurricane will devalue these once magnificent extra homes of the rich and famous.

We interviewed Karen Steinberg, a local realtor for her thoughts on this:

"I'm currently selling a few homes in western, central Suffolk.  As you know, our main selling point for the $300,000 garages out there is written all over our ads."  She takes out her iPad, which she couldn't stop talking about for 30 minutes before the interview, and proceeded to read allowed, and maybe a little too loud, the verbaige on her Realty webpage "'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'".

"How am I to sell a home worth only $80,000 for $300,000 when there are no celebrities here to justify it?" she then continued.  "I might have to do the unthinkable, sell them for $250,000."

Our news crew then picked out Tony Vincent Lombardi, representing the local PBA union and their 100 members who came out here to one of the homes of Paris Hilton.

"I'm 35 and been off the force since I was 25.  My pension helps me hire Mexicans to do my lawn during the week while I watch reruns of the Sopranos and go on dates with my mother during my wife's teaching hours.  My bros on the force, as well as my wife's union need these celebrities.  Without them, how can we justify our $80,000 pensions and tenure every year.  Our motto every year is the tried true statement of Long Island, 'Yes, you are spending this much for mediocrity, but remember, on Long Island you can spend $2000 at a club to be less than a block away from a celebrity.'  I fear property taxes might stop going up or even worse, go down in price.  I'll then be forced to actually mow my own lawn."


...
Nerves are tense here as Hurricane Irene inches closer.  Will the celebrities return in light of this?  Will the cost of living have to go down as a result of this work of nature?  Like those standing in these crowds here, all we can is just make shrines out of celebrity-signed memorabilia and pray they return, to keep the way of life here the same, year after year.
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Long Island Homes



Bottom image from this post
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Local police has been promoting next month's recruitment tests...thought I'd help them get the word out

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